No plan? No problem!

18 Oct

I only left my office for a minute!

Apparently that was all the time our new puppy needed to get up on the desk, take my notes and completely shred them.

That's either a really bad omen or a perfect introduction to The Smug Mum.

From the moment you have your perfect baby, it’s your full-time, forever responsibility to love them them, nurture them, and teach them everything they need to grow into perfect (but not too perfect) adults. Not much can properly prepare you for that.

You may have had some pre-natal parenting training, but most of what you need you’ll learn on the job, just as your parents did, and their parents before them. If you started with skills like organisation, team-work, facilitation & negotiation, they’ll come in handy about the time you’ve given up wondering why they aren’t helping. If you didn’t, don’t panic – by the time your children leave home you’ll be ready to broker international trade deals or peace treaties.

And then there are the rules, for things like parenting styles, sharing children’s achievements, behaviour management, birthday party guest lists, sleepovers, and so much more. These are impossible rules because they’re unspoken, always changing, and have no clear parameters or measures. Not to worry, though, because unlike the rules, when you get it wrong there will be plenty of people (family, friends, strangers, even those without children) who will step in and let you know.

It’s no wonder we (mums and dads) spend our time second-guessing ourselves - trust me, there’s a mass of insecurities hiding behind even the most confident of smiles. Because we’re all human, with the fear and self-judgement that accompany our imperfection, most of us watch and measure ourselves against others. We worry that our flaws and mistakes will be found out. The funny thing is, we want people to share theirs; it lets us know we’re not alone. And because raising kids isn’t easy, we should also be able to celebrate our wins without fear of being called smug.

Welcome to The Smug Mum, the home of messy, imperfect, authentic parenting.

With a full house and a busy life, I tend to be quite spontaneous or if I make plans I do so knowing that they'll probably change at the last minute (like the time I bought tickets for a concert, then watched it on TV in hospital because my daughter caught meningitis). Having negotiated with toddlers, argued with teenagers and struggled with almost adults, I now try to see the upside or the funny side when challenging stuff happens, which it still does. I’ve learnt to control what matters when I can and to go with the flow when I can’t, because being a mother of four has taught me that things have a strange way of working themselves out eventually.

As a closet perfectionist I’ll probably always struggle with the messy reality of being a mum, but by sharing my parenting experiences I hope I can help other mums and dads face challenges and share their successes with confidence.

Smile and the world smiles with you, I think the saying goes. In my experience, at least where parenting is concerned, there's generally someone watching and wondering why you're so smug, while fate plots to wipe the smile off your face. So, if the sun’s shining and there are no broken bones, I reserve the right to be a Smug Mum and invite you to join me.

I've spent a long time thinking about how to structure this, what to share and which words to use. Will anyone like The Smug Mum? In the end though, like all things parenting, you just have to smile and follow your heart because nothing really goes to plan.