A little while ago the children and I met up with my favourite Aunt, my cousin’s wife and her two young children to go bowling. It’s been a few years since we last bowled and although the bowling alley (is it even still called that?) seemed cleaner and the experience sleeker, there are some things that haven’t changed. My youngest children were a lot smaller on our previous bowling trip and needed barriers to keep their balls from heading straight down the gutter; they’re all much bigger now and would rather laugh about their dreadful score then have the embarrassment of gutter bumpers but for the less confident these are apparently still available today.

This morning, while driving the usual circuit of school drop-offs, I was given a list of essential items the children had forgotten for their day: youngest and middle daughters had rugby and both had forgotten gum shields whilst eldest daughter had left her coat and her bank card at home. The latter was needed because she hadn’t had time to make herself lunch (I gave-up making packed-lunches for the older two after I realised 90% of the food I gave them ended up in the bin). It’s almost a daily ritual for one of my children (or their schools) to phone and request I pop back with their hearing aids/water bottle/PE kit/homework after I arrive back home in the mornings, as if I have nothing else to fill my day, so I decided to take a stand. The two youngest agreed they’d wear ‘tag bibs’ or avoid tackles but eldest daughter wasn’t at all happy. She sat in the car, sniffling, telling me how she was going to spend the day cold and hungry and actually it was my fault because she’d helped get her sisters up this morning (of course forgetting that her selflessness was prompted by a desire for me to drop her at the train station). In the end I got fed up listening to her whinging so drove back home to collect her coat, then mid-morning my youngest daughter’s school called to let me know she had a netball match and would need me to drop her trainers in.

So, back to those bumper bars. When they’re tiny we do everything we can to keep our children safe. As they get older we tie ourselves up in knots to make sure they have everything they need to succeed, to ensure that if they don’t it’s not because we didn’t support them. No-one wants their children to suffer or fail, but to some extent it’s an important part of the learning process and will help make them more resilient and independent. Which makes me wonder, when is the right time to step back and make them go it alone? When should we take the bumper bars away?